It's Christmas Bandits time, and there's no need to be afraid
At Christmas Bandits time, we let in light and banish shade
   
In these days of cancel culture there has been a lot of noise generated around Sir Bob Geldof's classic song Do they know it Christmas, with the do gooder critics saying of course they know it Christmas its a Christian country, and over the years, the song's lyrics have been criticised for their patronising portrayal of Africa as a barren land that needed rescuing by Western intervention. So I thought if they do already know its Christmas then maybe the lyrics need changing and by just adding the word Bandits after Christmas I believe it will silence the critics, get everyone back on the same page and make the world a better place. So I asked our Bandits correspondent in West Africa to ask the locals what they thought and knew about Christmas Bandits, the question posed to a random sample of customers in Poundland Addis Ababa was "What do you know about Christmas Bandits" with 99 out 100 of them saying they'd never heard of it, the only person to respond differently was Anbassa an apprentice racing pigeon trainer from Akaky Kaliti who said "I've heard of an event that takes place in a land far away, I don't know if its truth or legend, but its a group of elite golfers, and Tonto, who gather on a Saturday morning a few weeks before Christmas and after a hearty meal of fried food and port they compete for a prestigious shield trophy and then celebrate the joyous victory with vast amounts of alcohol, as i've said I don't know if its true but is sounds like an amazing event that only the chosen few can participate in"... Which sums up Christmas Bandits, so on Saturday 14th December 2024 a group of elite golfers, and Tonto, gathered and battle commenced! 
The sun was shining, the course was at its best for mid December, the breakfast was hearty and the crackers were crap as 20 golfers got ready to do battle. Unfortunately defending champion and Dad dancer Ivor (former Wrag Barn captain 2013) was unable to participate as he had a poorly tum, but that didn't stop him coming up to the club house to spread his germs around, and Ash who is still recovering from surgery stepped in to fill Ivors mighty shoes, and after 4+ gruelling hours on the course the victor of this years Christmas Bandits was the popular goat loving Bandits President elect Billy Goat Griff with a staggering 40 points, beating Scotty Boy by 4 points, Nick  was third on countback, he and Wellery had 34 points. A stunned Griff said following his victory "I played well and despite not having a manly driver and only having a girly driving iron I stuffed the lot of you, I was straight and long and putted like demon, the Griff is back so watch out, I'll cherish the trophy and ensure that nobody forgets who's the Christmas Bandits 2024 champion throughout 2025" A dejected Wellery who started so strongly with 15 points after 5 holes said "Using a manly driver I thought I had a chance today, I started strongly, I was invincible, it could have been over after 9 hols if I kept going but then the wheels fell off and the rest is history, not even getting third place was a bit of sickener especially after I missed a tricky 18 incher on 17, but I'll learn from today and come back stronger next year". The winning team was  Newwy, Gary, Griff and Ali with 84 points, beating Broomer, Kieran, Wakes and Wellery on countback. AJ got NTP on the 3rd, Wellery on the 5th nearly holed his tee shot, Newwy got 12 and Simon got 16. Which just leaves the winner of the prize nobody wants, the toilet seat, and this years winner was Vic with 22 points. Vic couldn't hide his disappointment, with his head in his hands he sighed "F*cking hell, even Tonto beat me" 
So a fantastic day was had by all, following the awards ceremony we went to the Saracens for a festive turkey feast and following feedback from last year there were more roast potatoes than even Kieran could eat, great food with great company, a few hardy souls made it to kicking out time at the Kinger, including Griff - what a champ! Thanks goes to Gav for organising such a fun day and reviving the betting board, and we look forward to Tonto organising next years event... what could possibly go wrong 🤔